There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you made out with another girl for some wings
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
