I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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