I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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