Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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