planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
