my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
