Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
