You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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