It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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