i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Randomize
