Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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