my phone needs a breathalizer
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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