i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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