You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just pee around me
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
