I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
