This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
