i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
