The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
