Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
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