I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
