I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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