I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
