oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
