Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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