I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
