you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
