Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
