We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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