I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
