Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
