As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
