Is it because I queefed?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
