If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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