Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
