Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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