just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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