whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You made out with two different species that night
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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