Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he fucked my hip out of place.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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