I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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