Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
