Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
