is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
well you can't waste a boner
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
