I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
