party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
