i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
