so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
