Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
