she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
