its not stalking. its research.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
