last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
