farters have to be the big spoon...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
