he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
