You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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