she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
