I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
