We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
